Jonathan Baxter, you stupid twat. You have built a cult around a hula hoop! The only thing more twattish than you are the morons who follow you.
If you have any doubts, read on as Bax drops some hoop knowledge:
I choose to live in a world of Hope. I choose to live in a world of Promise. I choose to live in a world of laughter. I choose to live in a world of young children with big, uncorrupted eyes looking back up at me. I choose to live in world of brothers who walk again, of sons who come home again.
Dude, you’re hula hooping! It’s a toy made by a company called Wham-O! As stupid as religion is, at least Catholics have cool bloody icons. Jews have mezzuzahs and matzoh. All you’ve got is a plastic hoop!
Through years of daily, solo, blindfolded Practice, Baxter discovered innumerable technical nuances in the art of hoop dance, as well as descriptive names and vivid metaphors that make his insights readily available to even the beginning hoop student.
Wow. I can’t even imagine how one would distill complex hula hoop metaphors into a format that even a dumb-ass beginner would be able to comprehend. You must truly be something, Jonathan Baxter. Or maybe you’re just another stupid twat.